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How to choose without choosing - Tips for multi-passionates

Updated: Sep 19, 2023

Lots of sweets in a sweet shop or candy store

You see, when I was in the middle of deciding what (the hell) I was doing with the rest of my life, I drew something on a piece of paper.

It was a circle. It said Women's equality - Work - Art. And Change in the middle. With a side helping of books.

That's what I had.

And for the longest time I couldn't work out what that meant.

All I knew was that what I was going to do next was going to have to incorporate that.

How? Not a clue.

Finding a job incorporating all of that? No chance.

Choosing between them? I was no longer prepared to do that. I was no longer prepared to tuck myself away for 12 hours a day doing - admittedly - PART of that circle, but never EVER getting to the other parts. Feeling like I left half of my personality outside the door.

YOU may feel like that.

Scribbling ALL the things you like on a piece of paper. Realising that you *may* be doing SOME of them, but not all. Feeling resentful. Not knowing how to choose, not WANTING to choose.

In other words, you - too - may be a multi-passionate. Someone who loves LOTS of things.

Who can't make sense of how to do EVERYTHING.

In the book The Renaissance Soul, the author, Margaret Lobenstine, writes about Focal Points.

You may feel that you're not going to be able to do ALL the things, all at once.

And you would be right.

But you CAN choose the things you want to do MOST or FIRST. Your Focal Points.

You may want to spend more time with your family. You may want to set up that business.

You may want to start writing poems. You may want to get a new job. You may want to organise that trip. You may want to become involved with your favourite charity. You may want to ...

Anyway, you can see what I'm saying.

You can choose your focal points and decide to work on them, for the next year.

After which you review them, loose the ones you've 'done' or are no longer interested in, add the ones you NOW want to do.

Without knowing it, without having read the book, I had done this when I decided to change my career and set up my business. My focal points? Supporting women. Making (career) change happen. Art and creativity. Books even.

It's what I've been reflecting on.

On how to choose without choosing.

On how choosing your focal points allows you the flexibility to do the things you want to do.

Even if these things are seemingly unrelated.

So my question to you is:

What are YOUR Focal Points? What are the things that YOU'll be working on?


Tineke Tammes is an ICF credentialed Career Coach, who supports professional women in making successful transitions to careers of Freedom, Flexibility and Fulfilment! Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.

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